Art Interrupted

I had such high hopes for my creativity in 2023. It was going to be a year full of unbridled exploration - diving deep into encaustic and following my intuitive style.

But then, life happens. My mother loses her battle with cancer. My father’s health needs tending. And a move across state lines requires months of purging, organizing, and packing (not to mention buying and selling a house).

Through it all I kept my studio intact, with the intention of painting as an escape from grief and stress. But, to my dismay, I found myself avoiding my studio. My creative spirit vanished. I was a mere shell of the artist I was becoming. My desire, joy and inspiration were gone.

Last week I finally packed up my supplies, and wouldn’t you know it, I experienced the itching sensation of creativity! The old saying is true: absence makes the heart grow fonder!

It's been 40 days

It’s been 40 days since my mom passed away. It wasn’t an event that caught us by surprise. We had been expecting this inevitable day since we found out 16 months ago that her breast cancer from decades ago came back and it had metastasized. But death is never easy, even when you think you are prepared.

I didn’t go into my studio for a long while. For me, art is an escape and I did not want to runaway from my current reality. I felt I owed it to my mom to fully grieve without distraction. My sorrow is how I can honor her life. But as I reflected on her, I realized I was actually doing the opposite. You see, my mom sought beauty in all parts of her life - in fashion, in her garden, and in her home. She collected fine art, commissioned several portraits, and often asked me to create paintings for her. The last thing my mom wants is for me to stop adding beauty into the world. And with that realization, I went back into my studio and dusted off my watercolor brush. My first painting in 2023 was of her - circa early 1980’s. My mom was my role model & my biggest cheerleader. She is forever my muse.

From exploration to self-proclamation

This past year I put my energy into exploration:

• Creating without the goal of selling.

• Not taking on commissions.

• Trying out techniques that piqued my curiosity.

• Focusing on how I feel when I use certain mediums.

• And sharing my journey along the way.

From this pressure-free art making, I finally uncovered my true passion and can now commit my practice to a particular medium, that being encaustic.

This realization has lifted a weight off my shoulder. My creative practice is now focused. I am no longer distracted by the possibilities of every medium and supply I own. And when I enter my studio I have a ritual of plugging in my hot palettes, cracking open my window, and organizing my encaustic table. My painting time is calmer, a little bit less messy, and more definitely productive. For the first time in my art journey I created not just one, but two series in encaustic wax! And both have been publicly displayed in local businesses!

My self-proclamation as an encaustic artist was years in the making. I first had to try out every avenue I could go, and most importantly, be aware of which medium gave me intrinsic happiness. This initial stage cannot be rushed, no matter how much I really wanted to find my style in order to diminish the imposter syndrome. To all emerging artists out there, know that you will eventually find yourself with consistent exploration. Keep at it and be gentle with yourself.

As I enter the next stage of my art journey I am ready to build my portfolio and share my work beyond social media. It is now easier to tell people I am an artist. And I can envision my pieces in a gallery in the future. Until then, I’ll be in my studio challenging myself to create bigger and better.

Looking back at my growth

I am currently preparing to display my portraits at my local massage therapy salon. This required me to tie up all the loose ends of my many pieces strewn throughout my studio. Signatures were added. Custom frames ordered. Hanging hardware meticulously installed.

As I arranged my framed paintings in chronological order, I was suddenly struck by my artistic development over the past four years. One of my goals is to move away from painting exactly like the reference photo. I wanted to be more adventurous in my color choices, have looser brushstrokes, and incorporate abstract elements. Now I have visual confirmation of my progression from a realistic watercolorist to a more risk-taking mixed-media painter. My art is more playful, unexpected, and interesting than when I began my journey. While I know I still have a ways to go in achieving my goal, I am definitely headed in the right direction. Woo hoo!

Do you need a style to call yourself an artist?

Finding an artistic style is the ultimate goal for most artists, particularly those just starting out. During my first two years in my art journey, I read several books and listened to numerous podcasts about this topic. To say the least, I was obsessed with acquiring any sage advice that would help me discover my authentic, recognizable style. Perhaps it was imposter syndrome that caused this. After all, how can I call myself an artist if I don’t have a legit style?

Eventually I stopped worrying about finding my style when I accepted where I'm at in art journey. I can't expect to have a recognizable look when I just started my art practice, right? On one podcast, an artist said it takes about five years of exploration to figure out where you want to go creatively. Well, that took a lot of pressure off me! After all, I'm only on year three.

One thing that helps me hone in on my innate style is to reflect on the art I like. When I see another artist's work that captivates me, I ask myself what it is that I am drawn to. It may be the colors, the subject, the composition, the line quality, the underlying message, or a number of other things. From this process, I gain an better understanding of what my artistic soul truly loves. Not foolish enough to rely on my memory, I physically write down the things I like in my notebook. This serves as an anchor when I feel lost in my creative process.

These days I create works that bring me joy. I've let go of my obsession with style and just try to make art as much as I can. I work in different mediums and no longer care if consistency is lacking in my work. I'm confident that I will eventually find my way in the art world. It may take years for this to happen, but that's fine by me. Creating without pressure is liberating. And I feel like I'm finally tapping into my potential.

If you want to make art, then do it! Don't let the lack of style stop you.